Yes, there is no good way to say it, so, once again I am a statistic. I am the one in ten confirmed pregnancies that end before the first trimester. At least I am in good, if sad, company.
It happened over the course of the last week, which is why you didn't get a "ten week" update on Thursday. I lost the pregnancy Friday night, after a worry-some and difficult and blue sort of week.
I told you at 8 weeks, thinking that at eight weeks things are looking pretty good, and plus, I'm not one of those people who like to suffer through killer indigestion, slight nausea, tiredness, food and smell aversions, monster hormonal/emotional shifts, all in silence. If I'm going to be tired, grouchy, and green, I feel I have a right to a formal excuse.
And the cost of sharing the information is the risk of having to later retract it. So here I am, to say I don't need to borrow any maternity clothes after all. :(
But we are OK. Disappointed, but OK. A little miffed that I had to endure 5 weeks of so much discomfort for nothing. And of course, sad too. It is, for lack of a better word, a real bummer.
So back to square one, and now it will be EVEN harder. As if it wasn't hard enough being pregnant and not stressing about the future... (yikes, I might be feeling sorry for myself. Deep down, I do know that I am actually very blessed) If I get pregnant again... it's going to feel different.
Which means that if, several months from now, you see me tired, grouchy, and green with a furrow in my brow and a cautious manner, you might have an idea what is going on. That is about as positive as I can muster today.
And to say that though these sorts of events are confusing when it comes to understand what the good Lord is up to, I am still saying that God is good. All the time. Just thought you should know.
