When she was born, I felt her skull. Her fontanels were totally NORMAL. A huge sigh of relief. She was interested in nursing right away. She seemed very "normal and healthy. I went home felling optimistic.
But Janaia had a tongue-tie like her oldest brother, Caeden. And soon nursing was not going well. She kept me up all night, for the whole first week. We had her tongue-tie released, but things were still not going well with nursing. She went a week without any weight gain.
I was quickly heading for crazy-town. Lack of sleep, worry and frustration over nursing and weight gain, and the whole thing just felt so much like a repeat of how it went with Joel... and I was just flooded with memories and feelings about Joel. Janaia's features started looking more and more like Joel's. I didn't feel optimistic. I felt worried and sad.
Those first two weeks were doozys. Metabolics didn't even get us in for blood work until she was two weeks old. Which meant we had two more weeks to wait for a confident answer. To top it all off, my milk supply was dwindling, and we had to use some formula. We had to rent a double breast pump and I was back to pumping and bottling milk, like I had to with Joel. I had to suppliment with formula too, a real disappointment.
But this is when things started to turn around. Janaia started to gain some good weight. By the middle of her third week, she was 8lbs, 14oz (birth weight was 8lbs, 4oz). I got (slightly) more sleep because Steve could bottle her for the first watch of the night while I got three hours of sleep.
To sum it up: We still don't have the blood work back. It's still hard at times, I might be a bit paranoid as I watch for any signs of PBD. As nothing big has appeared, and as she has gain more weight in a week than Joel did the whole first month, I feel more optimistic again.
I am still not getting much sleep, but she is a very good natured baby and doesn't cry much. I think the problem is a bit of GERD, or 'baby reflux.' It seems like she is spitting up a lot, gagging, etc., during sleep and that wakes her up. She's fine if I hold her, it's just laying her down that is the trouble. Yes, in order to survive, I sleep sitting up, holding her securely propped in my arms. It is totally against the "lay them down flat on their backs in only a sleeper" rule, but sometimes increasing one risk very slightly is better than increasing the huge risk that in an overtired state I accidentally set the house on fire, or end up with a complete breakdown. It's not ideal, but it works better than the alternative.
And I'm really hoping that if I get my milk supply up to snuff so we don't need formula, maybe the reflux/spitting up will get better and she'll sleep better lying down in her bassinet. She now prefers the bottle, and it is a bummer that I STILL don't have enough milk and have to use some formula. I'm not sure I'll ever get her back on the breast, but for now we are not worrying about that, because things have been way to emotional around here as it is...
But so far, compared to both Caeden and Joel, she cries a lot less than either of them, and has lots more happy, bright, alert times that Joel did in the first three months. So far, no sign of the colic that plagued my first three months with Caeden. So far. So far she is very easy to settle and loves to cuddle. We are totally in love with her. Neither Steve nor I can get enough of looking at her bright eyes and perky little face. Every day I feel so blessed, and every day I try not to worry or be sad, thinking how awful it would be to get back the blood work if the news was PBD. She'd still be worth it, every bit of it. But it is a heck of a price, the pain that would come with the blessing of having her.
I know we have been covered in prayers. Thank you one and all. It is a test of faith, for sure. Here are the words from another Bible verse song that I have been singing: "Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." Thank you Father, for my good and perfect gift. And that You do not change.
Now, some pictures! :)
