Week nine. Baby is the size of an olive. That is all, just an olive. But if you look at the pics, it is amazing to see someone so small look so much like a baby.
Olive continues to affirm his/her presence by wreaking havoc on my digestive system. Oh yeah. But there is still a part of me that does not believe. In fact, since the indigestion has ramped up, I feel disbelief that this is actually caused by a baby. I keep expecting to find that I have lost the pregnacy, because surely all the pain and discomfort is more in keeping with a miscarriage then a healthy pregnancy. At times my stomach cramps have even almost seemed like that sort of onset of labour type feeling...
That's how my thinking works. But so far, so good. Maybe if I can finally hear a heartbeat, it will seem real. But that remains doubtful for a while. I go to see my mid-wife right after I hit week ten. Most of the time, that is too soon to find the heartbeat. Bummer. That means waiting for another 4 or 5 weeks until my next appointment.
On Monday, it was the year anniversary of my Dad's death. My mom spent the day at my house, and in the evening we went to the graves. It really didn't seem real to me. I can't believe that it has been a year since my Dad died. Though Father's Day was a harder day for me than Monday. Father's Day was quite difficult. It was very sad for me.
I thought I had a lot to say. Now I find I don't . Still, I will try and keep everyone apprised of the situation as the weeks go on. Not that my pregnancy is going to be that interesting (at least, I hope NOT!). But still. It's more for me than you. I can't remember much of my pregnancy with Joel. This time, I want a place to remember it all, and how it felt.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
News
OK, I guess I'm ready to post this here on the blog. Deep breath. Yes, I am pregnant.
As of today, I am at 8 weeks. Baby is the size of a pinto bean. Still early days. First appointment with the mid-wife is in two weeks. But I thought I might as well put the info on the blog and be official.
It took two pregnancy sticks, a coupla weeks, and the onset of some very bad indigestion for me to start to believe I am pregnant. I've only just started to be brave enough to glance at baby things and maternity clothes.
Which, I am afraid, I am going to need very soon. It is always so embarrassing to me, how quickly I just balloon out! I have only gained the "normal" pound or two, but I already feel as big as a house and have my belt buckle back a notch. And I did mention the indigestion, right. That it was REALLY BAD.
But really, I guess some of you want to know the real "nitty-gritty" of it. How am I doing feelings-wise?
As I said, I could not believe I was pregnant, specially not so quickly. I have not been stressed out really at all. Partly due to disbelief. You can't be stressed out about something that you can't believe is true... right?
And I am just, at this time, feeling peaceful about it all. The worst odds I face are 1/4 chance that little Pinto Bean has a PBD. I feel, at times, both happy and sad. I am happy because I hope I shall get to hold another baby in my arms. I am sad when I look at baby items that my baby might not be able to use.
I'm sort of living "in between" two different realities. I'd like to get excited about all things baby, but I can't go there. It might not happen. So I am trying to focus on the things that remain for us with baby, healthy or not. Baby will be tiny, and cute, and cuddly. Baby will wear cute little outfits, and keep my from sleep. Baby will learn to smile, and that will light up our hearts. These are the things I allow myself to dwell on and be excited about.
On the days when I can believe that it is really happening. Because some days I just can't believe that it really is.
Oh, and if you don't have a due date calculator handy, I am officially "due" on Feb. 2nd. But I know better than that. My babies come early. So my personal prediction is that baby will come on January 25th. ;)
As of today, I am at 8 weeks. Baby is the size of a pinto bean. Still early days. First appointment with the mid-wife is in two weeks. But I thought I might as well put the info on the blog and be official.
It took two pregnancy sticks, a coupla weeks, and the onset of some very bad indigestion for me to start to believe I am pregnant. I've only just started to be brave enough to glance at baby things and maternity clothes.
Which, I am afraid, I am going to need very soon. It is always so embarrassing to me, how quickly I just balloon out! I have only gained the "normal" pound or two, but I already feel as big as a house and have my belt buckle back a notch. And I did mention the indigestion, right. That it was REALLY BAD.
But really, I guess some of you want to know the real "nitty-gritty" of it. How am I doing feelings-wise?
As I said, I could not believe I was pregnant, specially not so quickly. I have not been stressed out really at all. Partly due to disbelief. You can't be stressed out about something that you can't believe is true... right?
And I am just, at this time, feeling peaceful about it all. The worst odds I face are 1/4 chance that little Pinto Bean has a PBD. I feel, at times, both happy and sad. I am happy because I hope I shall get to hold another baby in my arms. I am sad when I look at baby items that my baby might not be able to use.
I'm sort of living "in between" two different realities. I'd like to get excited about all things baby, but I can't go there. It might not happen. So I am trying to focus on the things that remain for us with baby, healthy or not. Baby will be tiny, and cute, and cuddly. Baby will wear cute little outfits, and keep my from sleep. Baby will learn to smile, and that will light up our hearts. These are the things I allow myself to dwell on and be excited about.
On the days when I can believe that it is really happening. Because some days I just can't believe that it really is.
Oh, and if you don't have a due date calculator handy, I am officially "due" on Feb. 2nd. But I know better than that. My babies come early. So my personal prediction is that baby will come on January 25th. ;)
Monday, June 11, 2012
This week was planting week. I planted "Joel's" flower bed at our house, and then I planted his "garden" on his grave. Thought I'd put up some pics for those who are interested.
So, here is a picture of Joel's name, planted in the front bed at our house. The roses are looking awesome. Once the flowers get established and fill out a bit, I'll put up another pic, because you should (hopefully) be able to read the name more clearly.
Right after I planted this bed, I went in and had a real eye-buster type cry. It was a "good" cry. I love my boy as much as ever. And I still miss him. I'm glad to see his name in those flowers, each day. Just like his name is also in my heart, each day.
Here is his grave site, right after I planted it. The perenials came up nicely from last year. If the weather is right, it should grow and fill in nicely. I'm looking forward to that. I love coming to see his "garden."
So, here is a picture of Joel's name, planted in the front bed at our house. The roses are looking awesome. Once the flowers get established and fill out a bit, I'll put up another pic, because you should (hopefully) be able to read the name more clearly.
Right after I planted this bed, I went in and had a real eye-buster type cry. It was a "good" cry. I love my boy as much as ever. And I still miss him. I'm glad to see his name in those flowers, each day. Just like his name is also in my heart, each day.
Here is his grave site, right after I planted it. The perenials came up nicely from last year. If the weather is right, it should grow and fill in nicely. I'm looking forward to that. I love coming to see his "garden."
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