Plot

We chose a funeral home last year. Tonight we finished the second of the "big" funeral tasks. We paid for a plot, signed a paper, and got an official deed for a very small piece of land.

I didn't even blink back tears. I'm afraid I spoke cheerfully with the nice gentleman who owns the cemetery. The only emotional sign it might have been stressful was that right after he left I had a sudden urge to completely eat the entire two aisles of snack food at the local 7/11. I settled for a couple cookies and some bread sticks.

Mostly it was just a HUGE relief. I know there might be those out there who feel it is morbid to buy a plot while Joel is living, and is even in stable condition. Some might really even think it is quite horrible.

I don't. Some parents lose their children suddenly, with out any warning. Then those people have to deal with all the grief and loss and adjustments and pain all at once, and still manage a lot of other practical details regarding last arrangements. I have had the additional pain of having to watch my boy go downhill, of knowing he'll never get better, only worse, of seeing him be sick. So I surely am going to take the opportunity granted to me to do some of the hard tasks in the quieter and happier moments of our lives. We've had enough sadness, I'm not going to make it harder out of a misplace sense of decorum.

And Steve and I are very happy with what we have arranged. You can make better choices and decisions if you have time to think it all over and really weigh all the options. So we did NOT decide to go with the very beautiful, park-like, restrictive place with the pushy sales lady. Instead, we opted for the small, out of the way, country-type cemetery with the kind owner and more freedom.

Which means there is no fountain, and most of the trees are still being planted. The driveway is not paved. It is SIMPLE. And I like it.

We have a headstone plot for Joel. Right beside his plot are the two flat-marker plots my parents purchased. And a tree will be planted in between them. We get our headstone plot, we get to have Joel beside my mom and dad, we will have both by a tree. We are allowed to plant flowers on the grave at this cemetery and we are allowed to put up some solar lights around the edges. And for a reasonably affordable price. We really couldn't see, at one point, that we'd be able to have all these things, we were expecting to have to give some wishes up. So we are very happy.

And relieved. It is such a relief. Funeral home, cemetery, now the only "big" thing left to plan and buy is the headstone. No rush. We'll take our time.

And if anyone is reading this who very kindly donated to the benefit concert on our behalf, thank you. This is how we have used a portion of the funds. We are grateful.