Yeah, I know, Valentine's Day is long past. What can I say, I have been a bit lazy about this blog lately... Good thing I don't have an editor breathing down my neck!
Even though the day is past, I really wanted to say something about Valentine's Day. Technically this is not related to Joel. It's related to Steve, instead. Again, good thing I don't have an editor, or a publisher to worry about!
Some people say that Valentine's Day is an overly hyped up, overly priced up, designed to make half the population miserable sort of holiday. Ok, I can't argue too much with some of those. It is crazy the way it's marketed, and it is crazy the way it is priced, and it is unfortunate that so much of the focus of a holiday that once was about loving everyone around you has become a holiday dedicated solely to, well, one kind of love only.
Despite this, I say BRING IT ON! I like Valentine's Day, and yes, I did love it even before I got married. And let me say that before I married Steve at age 34, I somehow managed to be single for EVERY SINGLE Valentine's day prior. Still, I enjoyed it. I made homemade valentines for friends and family, or cookies for students, or whatever. I refused to dwell on the one relationship I didn't have when I had so many other ones to celebrate.
Still, I have to admit that the first few years I was married, I was appalled at how much money it cost my husband to bring me roses, or buy me chocolates. I tried to encourage him to buy the roses and chocolates the day after, when they were on sale. What did I care which day they came on? In fact, I told my husband (truthfully) that I preferred flowers like carnations instead of roses. And hinted that romance could happen every day, instead of just on one special day, that gifts and cards on regular days would be appreciated just as much.
I don't do that any more. Once again, let me say: VALENTINE'S DAY - BRING IT ON!!
Because I realized something about my husband. His romantic abilities go hand in hand with his abilities to sing. By which I mean, his singing is usually off-key, and without finesse but it is done with GUSTO. He couldn't sing his way out of a paper bag, or if his life depended on it or any of those expressions. But he puts his heart into it! Every time I stand beside him in church, I smile. Because there is something touching and beautiful about someone so utterly untalented putting all their efforts into singing their heart out.
And so it is with his romantic sensibilities. There is a level of intuition involved in excelling at "romance" that is not quite there when it comes to my husband. I think there are other women out there who would say this of their husbands as well.
Then again, "romance" is another one of those words. It is either wrongly (and might I add sometimes bitterly) disparaged as some crazy, over-rated way to become disappointed by having expectations of how another person will make you feel that can not possibly be sustained beyond a certain time. Hmm. Again, not all wrong, perhaps, just maybe a bit off on the slant.
The other side is where it is made this great big huge GRAIL of life (of course, think Hollywood). It is the be all and end all of our existence, the hunt for the one person who can make you feel so amazing and wonderful. It's the ONE thing that MATTERS in life, to find your soul-mate and be full of romantic bliss.
I think either direction is bogus. I would define romance simply this way: the art of making another ordinary person on an ordinary day feel cherished, know that your eyes see them as special and extraordinary and wonderful. Note that in this definition, romance can extend to other relationships besides ones with a sexual nature. In fact, there are people with a knack for this that extends beyond people. By which I mean that they can take an ordinary day and see lovely and extraordinary things in it, and make other people feel that way about it too. Most of us do not have this knack so strongly. We just walk outside and say, "Oh, the sun is shining, how nice. Hope I'm not late for work. Maybe we'll BBQ later." People with a real knack for it walk outside and see poetry and beauty and something precious.
Anyway, that is my take on it. And the way we go wrong with romance is that instead of being the person who is MAKING others feel cherished and special and extraordinary, we just selfishly focus on our desire to be the one who is romanced. In other words, romance goes wrong when our biggest desire is to get it, instead of to give it.
So, I have digressed. Back to Valentine's Day and to Steve. I have learned to appreciate some things about my husband. He's not one of those "walk out the door and spout poetry" kinds of people. He doesn't have that "knack." But he has the heart. You know? Some people sing for a living, and other people sing in the shower. Why shouldn't they? Sing in the shower, I mean? Why should singing be only for people who can make money from it? Why shouldn't the tuneless be able to sing their hearts out? I think there is something beautiful in that. And you know what? EVERYONE sounds great in the shower.
That's why I love Valentine's Day. It's the "shower" of romance. It gives my husband a chance to shine. He doesn't have to guess, or intuit, of mull over and decipher what on that particular day, to do to make me feel special. And just like his singing, his approach is "no holds barred." It's go BIG or go home!
This Valentine's Day, I got my husband some chocolates. And he got me: my favorite coffee, 3 kinds of chocolate (he doesn't really understand about diets ;) ), a dozen roses, some hand soap from Bath and Body works, and a Sims game I really wanted. Plus we went out for dinner. And I understood it perfectly. He was saying I'm cherished, he thinks I'm extraordinary and special and wonderful. How could I not get that? He was practically SHOUTING it!
So, I love Valentine's Day. It is one of the days my husband SHINES. And it makes me think, too. Am I practicing the knack for making my husband feel cherished by me, and that I think he is special and wonderful? Have I perhaps been thinking more about what he is doing to romance me, instead of planning ways to romance HIM? Sadly, this is often true of me. Perhaps I need a bit more practice in the art of romance myself...
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