Schmice

Did you ever wonder about getting a package that was labelled "Loss?"  I bet you haven't.  But I have.  I've been thinking about how a "doorbell" rang for me long ago and I received a package labelled "Loss."  In fine print there was a note attached that said "This loss package may contain some or all of the following: grief, sorrow, pain, anger, confusion, depression, fear, suffering, self-pity, feelings of worthlessness, sleeplessness, resentment, longing, moodiness, self-preoccupation, loss of memory/forgetfulness, regret, emptiness & aches, etc, etc."

Seeing this label attached, you might think, "Well, this is bad, but at least I know what I am getting into here."  And in a sense, that is good, because otherwise you'd think insanity was part of the package, but now at least you know that you are reacting "normally" to the situation at hand.  Ha ha ha...

Here is what the label does not tell you.  It does not tell you that the form that these "ingredients" come in is living creatures.  It does not tell you that Grief is a cat, as I have already written about.  And it does not tell you about the Schmice.  Yup.  The Schmice.  You heard it right.

Because when I opened up that package, a horde of little rodent-like vermin poured out and dashed away into the nooks, crannies, and dark places of my home.  When I say "a horde" then picture a large box loaded with wee mouse-like creatures, like maybe a hundred of them, and once the box is opened, like Pandora, you just watch them race out helplessly.

So now you share your home with a group of schmice.  They reproduce.  You get rid of them when and as you can.  But full on extermination is not possible, because you live in your house and the toxins needed to do this are harmful to you and your family.  You also need to go on with life.  And so you do so, getting rid of schmice here and there as you can.

As with all rodents, they prefer to come out at night, or in the very quiet and still moments.  When the lights are on and the house is noisy and busy, they stay away.  In fact, as time goes on and the schmice prove harder to get rid of than anyone else seems to have expected, a temptation comes to you.  Which is to just keep the house loud, busy, noisy and bright and ignore the existence of the schmice altogether.  Live and let live as the saying goes.

Of course, the problem is that everyone also needs peace and quiet and rest time.  No one can fill there house with noise all the time and ignore the vermin.  Also, the schmice leave evidence of their passing living by leaving droppings in cupboards and a certain "aroma" in the laundry room. 

Still, the temptation to ignore them is strong...  It is hard to turn down the lights, get quiet and watch schmouse after schmouse pop out it's wee head and scurry about.  To take the time and try to catch them one after one...   It is hard, but necessary too, for the sake of having a good, healthy home.

And people phone from time to time and ask "How things are going?"  Maybe they are asking about the schmice, but they are too polite to directly inquire.  I don't know.  The thing is, most of the time that people do ask in veiled ways about the schmice in my house, they ask at a time when the lights are on, and the house is noisy.  You know I am not talking about my literal house.  I'm talking about my life.  They call when there is activity all around me, or ask when they see me "out and about." 

And in that moment, my mind is far away from the schmice.  In fact, not a schmouse is in sight if I glance around.  Too noisy, to bright, too busy.  Hmmmm..... I'm really not sure what to say.  The schmice are still there I know.  How many of em?  Not sure at this moment.  What seems like a hoard at one moment, in the light of day seems like nothing but a few droppings here and there.  Know what I mean?  Schmice populations are variable and difficult to monitor.

I can just give general answers.  Yes, still got em, thanks for caring enough to ask.  Still know they are there.  Still dealing with them.  That much I can tell you.  And yes, life is still going on, as you can see.

But if you actually REALLY want to know about the schmice, if you really want to KNOW it, not just about it in generalities, then there is only one thing to do.  Come into my house.  Sit down at my table.  We'll turn the lights and noise down.  We'll be quiet and thoughtful for awhile.  And slowly, wee heads will start to pop out.  After a time, the schmice will come out to scamper about.  And it might be a bit uncomfortable.  You might not be too fond of vermin or rodents.

But it will also be real.  You will understand, just for that moment, what a schmice infestation is really like.  You understand some of the true state of my house.  You'll see some of the difficulties in what happens here.  My schmouse problem will not be theoretical or vaguely general anymore.  Maybe a schmouse or two will even scurry over your shoe.  Your understanding will be based on something you have seen for yourself.

In the coming months, the tide of the schmiceschmice.

I'm just letting you know that.  Rodent populations are known to fluctuate and often after a big surge in growth, they suddenly die out and dwindle into a small population.  I'm telling you for a few reasons. 

One is so that you are not unduly alarmed if you see this happen.  How could it not be so?  If you are surprised, it is only because you do not know what those last months of Joel's life were like or how deeply, how deeply the pain went.  There are a lot of schmice there.

Another reason is because it is an invitation for you, if you like, to come over to my house, to sit quietly with some tea and some lights turned down, and be with me while I catch the schmice.  This is not a job for everyone.  I understand that.  This is the sort of invitation I give, believing that the "right" people for the job will be the ones who would respond.

And if know one does respond, then I also know something else.  I know that my God is sufficient for me in the times that other people are not.  I know He will be with me when the schmice come out to play.  And He will be enough, if the schmice scare everyone else away.