Hoarders

There is this show I like to watch. It is a reality tv show, so yeah, I guess you could label me as a voyeur. I prefer to say that I take a keen interest in human nature!

Anyway, the show is called "Hoarders" and it is all about these people who are dysfunctional in how they relate to the stuff that comes into their possession. Yup, you guessed it, as the name suggests, they "hoard." Any material thing that comes their way they must hang onto.

The dysfunction becomes so strong that some of these people are threatened with eviction. One family had the worst case of bed bugs, but the exterminator refused to fumigate because the huge pile up of things made it virtually impossible. One couple bought a second home, in the hope of moving out, cleaning out the first home and selling it. Instead they ended up with two houses bursting at the seams while the banks threatened to foreclose. Others have children removed due to unsafe conditions, yet still can not seem to let go of the "stuff" that surrounds them.

It seems so frustratingly obvious: have your real life children, or be left alone with all the old baby clothes piled up around you; throw out the trash in one home, sell it and keep one, or lose everything, etc, etc, etc. It seems so obvious, yet many of these people can't even see that they have a problem. Pretty crazy stuff.

Course, most of us have the hoarder in us... Just in more socially acceptable ways. I know I have a whole drawer of old cassette tapes that I have not listened to in over a year, but?? I can never seem to throw any out. Steve has TWO pairs of army boots, that he doesn't wear, but couldn't throw out cause "I still use those to dress up for Halloween." (I think I might have finally persuaded him to throw one pair away.) And why am I keeping old letters from friends I haven't heard from for 20 years?? If the friendship didn't survive the time and distance, why have the letters??? I mean, it is hard sometimes to let go of stuff, even when we end up sacrificing a relationship to keep it.

And its' not just a lower or middle class sort of problem. I mean, I was reading online about some of these sports millionaires who make millions and then lose it all. One of these guys had built this huge house. It even had its' own bowling alley. Steve did the math, and it was, in total, the size of about 54 of our house. Now really, isn't that hoarding too?? When you have to have soooooo many rooms in your house that you can't afford the payments for things like electricity and water??

So we sometimes all have things that we value, things that we hold onto, despite the fact they might not be worth it, or that holding onto them might actually harm us more than do us good.

This all got me thinking. You see, most of these people live very lonely lives. Lonely because they just don't have room, literally, for other people. They can't invite people over to their house, and I guess after awhile you stop going to visit other people out of shame, or they just stop inviting you.

Then I was wondering, which came first?? Are they lonely because they hoard, or were they so lonely in the first place that they tried to fill up the space with things?? Maybe a bit of both??

And I thought about myself. I don't hoard things to the point of obsession, but I have been, well, to admit it "out loud" - lonely. Yes. Since Joel has been born, I have been lonely quite a bit. And sometimes I fill up the loneliness with things that are not really that great. Like TV, or video games. Not too good for my fitness, granted, but one thing about TV. All the noise, talking, discussions, information, tv people, it is a great panacea for both boredom and loneliness. And video games, electronic games of any kind, they really distract you and keep you from thinking too much.

Unlike cleaning. Or folding laundry. These are activities which, in my case anyhow, invite lots of reflection and thinking, then comes boredom, finally - loneliness. So these activities tend to happen on the better days. The ones where I feel pretty good, upbeat, energetic...

I don't know exactly what I am trying to say here. See what too much time thinking does??? This is what happens when I stop WATCHING the tv show "Hoarders" and start THINKING about it!!!

Grief is every bit as isolating as hoarding is. You can really feel alone with your life. And being somewhat "housebound" doesn't help much either. I really miss having a best friend. Yes, I have Steve. Yes, he is a friend who is such a good friend I can call him "the best." But, well, in case you haven't noticed, he's a man. Which is a good thing, when it comes to husbands. But I greatly miss having a person who comes over at least once a week for a "chat." Or to giggle with as we watch a silly, girly movie. I've got a lot of good friends from the support group, but I really, really miss having an "in the flesh" sort of friend.

What am I saying? Hey, it's lonely out here!!! Anyone want to come over for tea and a chat?