Birthday Blues: Part Two

I made it through Joel's B-day ok. I was cranky. I was tired. I was emotional and on the verge of tears all day. If I didn't have a family to be responsible for, I sure would have crawled under the covers with a good book and a couple of bags of potato chips. It seemed like the day took forever, but I made it through.

I'm just being honest here. I'd love to say I had a great attitude. I'd love to say that I was so happy and grateful that Joel is still with us that it overshadowed all my pain. I refuse to lie though. Most of the day I felt crappy.

It might partly have been my fault, I don't know. Maybe if I could have changed my attitude, I'd have had a better day. Some days are like that, as Alexander has said, even in Australia. (It's a favorite book, a children's book, and everyone should have a mandatory copy even if they don't have children)

I did have a great evening, though. A few friends came over. I kept it really small on purpose, due to the fact I suspected I might be feeling antisocial, tired, grouchy, and emotional. (which as I mentioned, I was) And the friends that came helped to redeem what was a difficult day.

I'm an extrovert. So sometimes just being with some great people really makes me feel better. We just chatted and laughed. We got a bit serious too. Mostly I just felt at ease with them. I felt they understood that Joel's b-day could be a difficult day for me, even when we had a lot to celebrate and they were ok with that. It was a little party just for me, and I am thankful to them for that. They took me out of myself and made me laugh, have fun, and even let me get a little weepy too.

And the next day was better, again. I felt a lot more thankful, the next day. Funny how that is, eh? Monday I was so sad about what the last two years had taken from me. Tuesday I was just being happy and thankful to have a happy little boy who loves his family.

I hope no one ever holds days like Monday against me. All day long I really was saying to myself "snap out of it and grow up grumpy pants." To no avail. Every now and then a voice inside my head (no, not God's voice this time, my friend, this time it was my voice. Maybe if I'd shut up from berating myself for a minute to actually listen to HIM I would have been snapped out of it all) said "man, I am embarrassed here at your behavior! What is up with this self-pity, and after you claim that God helps you through, here you are snivelling over a B-DAY!" Yeah, I was mentally embarrassed by myself, along with being grouchy, sad, upset. Add embarrassed by my own behavior.

Good thing is I have a God who understands and forgives me, and let's me have a "do over" the next day. And I have friends who come over to support me. And for the record, I did NOT have to wear railroad train pajamas, or eat lima beans for supper. There is still a lot to be grateful for, even if you are not in Australia.