Today I had an appointment with a genetic doctor. It was not an appointment I had originally wanted. In fact, last week Thursday when I got the call telling me about the appointment, I was pretty angry about it. I thought when I had my Dr.s appointment on Wednesday, I had been pretty clear that I thought it was neither necessary nor helpful to go see a genetic specialist.
After all, 1. Steve and I were keeping the baby "as is." 2. We were not willing to do any invasive testing, because invasive testing carries a risk, and see #1. and 3. there is no non-invasive test that can tell us what we really want to know, which is if our baby has a PBD or not.
But still, I ended up with an appointment. And as the week went on, my attitude improved. Specially when I finally just decided to take my book of picture of Joel. I figured if I had to listen to a whole speech about genetic testing, I could at least have the opportunity to share Joel. And instead of feeling upset that I might have to "justify" my choice, I could feel thankful for a chance to share a different view of what this pregnancy and baby could mean.
So I went, and the appointment was a pleasant surprise to me.
To be fair, I expected it to be more of the same thing I got from my Dr. Who is very kind, but appeared skeptical when I said we wanted to keep the pregnancy. Who, even though there was an excited look on my face about the baby's heartbeat, even though I cried tears of joy at it, even though I don't think there was anything but sincere happiness when I told her we were keeping the pregnancy no matter what, STILL felt it necessary to say things like: "well, you still might want testing so that that you can really think about the decision. And then when the results come back, if you start to feel things are too stressful, or you start to worry about how it will affect your family, you can still change your mind."
And I thought "If I go in to Mr. Genetic Specialist and he starts saying that sort of thing to me, I will vomit."
But he didn't. He totally took me by surprise, actually. I didn't have to wait a minute to see him. I went in and sat down, and you know the first thing he said to me? He said "So, tell me from your perspective why you have this appointment to see me today?" And after that, everything just went well. :)
I told him that I thought I was there in order to make my Dr. feel better. Yup, I was just honest and up front. I explained that we were keeping the baby, and that we had been thinking about our decision for several years before we even decided to get pregnant. We chatted about the pros and cons of doing the non-invasive screening for Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, etc. And he was really up front and honest about just how many "false positives" there were if you didn't take it a step further to an amnio. He even warned me that some women find it more worrying than helpful in the case that they were not going to test further.
The best part of it all was that he never gave me the slightest inkling that he was secretly thinking "Oh, you must not have thought this through" or "Are you in denial about the risks?" or "It's not a good decision not to test and then make a choice." I'm pretty good at reading people, and I didn't get a sniff of that. Instead, I really felt like he respected my decision, and trusted that I was happy with it. I don't think he thought I was crazy, or being "forced" to keep my baby through misguided "religious" principles.
In fact (though we both knew there are no guarantees), he said the nicest, most "You are not crazy" thing to me when I left. He said "The odds are in your favor for a healthy baby. If I were to lay money on it, I would have to put my money on the baby being healthy." And even though I know that for every good statistic, there is a different stat, and that stat has a face, still, it was really nice to hear that from a genetic specialist. And I could tell him that even if the baby were not healthy, we felt that Joel had been a blessing to us. And I was happy to be able to say that, too.
Oh, and another nice perk to the visit was that he told me he'd be sending a letter to my Dr. outlining our discussion and decision. (read between the lines, the issue is dealt with and closed!) And that he would be sending a letter to Joel's genetic/metabolic specialist that said that we were expecting again. And that was really great to know.
And isn't this really odd? After my appointment, the pregnancy really seemed real to me. (Maybe because something I had been dreading for months now had been dealt with.) And a little bit exciting, I gotta say. I think sometime this week, I will go out and do a little baby shopping. Not too much, because we don't know boy or girl. But just a little. Because I find myself in the mood....
I find myself feeling very, very thankful. Missing Joel, but so grateful for his life. And so grateful for another chance to have a child. God is good.
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