Husbands

Yeah, I just thought I'd write a little tribute to someone important in this story. After almost a year, I thought it was about time. And I think the guy has earned it. He has had his fair share of a load to bear, not to mention all the guff he sometimes takes from me. Being the closest target, and being fairly vulnerable as I know him best of all, he has put up with his fair share of "guff."

Since he is married to me, he bears that label "husband" and sometimes he has the baggage that comes with the label attached to him. So there is an undercurrent in my tone that suggests that since he is the "husband" he is not as patient with the children. Or the doctors, for that matter. Somehow, I am "better" with things of Joel. Etc. Etc. If you are a married woman, you might know what I mean. That tiny attitude of slight superiority when it comes to things like dealing with emotions, and being comforting or whatever. Guilty as charged?

So, I'd like to get down from my slightly higher horse for a few minutes. I'd like to say that it blows me away how Steve goes to work five days a week and never calls in sick. I don't know how he has made it through this all, and still been able to deal with a job that has, in the past, been very, very stressful. When I have a bad day, when I'm just so overstressed, or when I'm just keeling over with the sadness of it all, Steve is still going on, business as usual. I really don't know how he does it. If I have a bad day, I can "take it easy." I can blog, or email a friend, or have someone over for coffee. He comes home and the laundry is PILED up to the sky. The house is not dusted (and no, he doesn't notice stuff like the dust, but he does notice the laundry). I can chill out until I feel like going on.

He can't. He's the source of income right now. And so no matter what has been happening, trips to the hospital with breathing trouble and all, no matter what, he goes out five days a week to do his job. He somehow takes the stress of being a sole breadwinner on his shoulders, and he really doesn't complain about it. It really amazes me how he keeps on going to work every day...

On more than one occasion, he has manned up when I could no longer pull my share of the load. Like the time just over a year ago when I told him I COULD NOT go to the doctor this time. And I COULD NOT sit in emergency either. He had not had any sleep either, but he just took over. He brought Joel to the doctor, and then later he sat in emergency for about three hours on his own, until I was feeling better enough to join him. He had no words of criticism or disappointment in my lapse. He just quietly accepted my weakness and went on (maybe he could recognize the "crazy" on my face.) And let me join him later on and step right back into my role as mommy.

He loves Joel so much and he kisses him and cuddles him. Mommy is, admittedly, usually best when Joel is fussing. But when I'm cooking supper or on the phone, or whatever, Steve is there to hold Joel and cuddle him. Every morning Steve takes off the CPAP machine and starts Joel's water. And gives him a few kisses.

And he is super good at giving Caeden some "Daddy time" and when he can't, Caeden sure misses it. Last week Steve had to stay late and do parent/teacher meetings. Caeden called me "Daddy." I told him I was NOT his daddy. "But who will play with me then?" he asked. See? Mommy = business, Daddy = play.

And Steve is the errand person of the house. He gets sent out a lot. He has to pick up prescriptions ALL THE TIME. And formula. In fact, a lot of the time he does the grocery shopping and I stay home with Joel. And if you don't know my husband, let me say that grocery shopping is not his favorite pastime. He rarely grumbles or complains, in fact, he usually calls me before he heads out after work, to pick up the instructions for errands on the way home.

And most of the time he puts up with my moods. He's changed a lot since I married him. (No, not thanks to me. I take no credit for it. The changes were due to God's hand and his willing heart.) He usually is very patient with my own grieving. He allows me to cry. Or even be grouchy. He tries to read this blog. He tries to talk to me about my feelings, even when it is late at night and he just wants to sleep. He is my support, and he loves me. I get a kiss every morning, and a kiss every night, and that makes my world a better place even when things are crazy.

I'm really grateful to God for putting him here with me. I'd never be able to do this without him. And in spite of my occasional fits of unfounded "womanly superiority," I often am in awe of what he does for us. So, here is a little tribute to the man we couldn't do without.