Tidbits

This blog might be a bit random, as I have got a few little "tidbits" to comment on, instead of writing about one thing in particular.

First of all, I have a new addition for my Hospital Survival Kit. Visine. I came upon some at the hospital gift store, and let me tell you, I spent no time deliberating. I promptly bought it. From now on, it will be part of all my hospital visits. And I'm going to keep it in mind for anyone else I know who ends up ... well, you know. In a hospital situation that is not the garden-variety infection sort of thing.

Now I'd like to say a huge thank you to the people who came to my party on Friday, and helped bring some fun and celebration to the end of a very long and somewhat sad week. I have some great friends... who are really family, cause they are the Church. It seems to me that whenever things get particularly difficult, when I am at the bottom of things, God just sends a little word out to these people. Really, it is a wonderful thing, because it feels like a hug from God Himself. So a big thanks to all those people who .... well... stay in touch with God so much that you can't distinguish their love from His. That might sound like a strange compliment to some of you, but I know that they know exactly what I mean when I say that.

And thanks to my faithful PBD support group. You guys are pretty amazing too. Thanks for sticking by me.

Sometimes when I am in the hospital with Joel, I see other kids come in whose parents are either unable, or disinclined to sit with them. It makes my heart break. Sometimes I see parents in really heart breaking situations too. I sure wish I could do something, but seeing as I have no hospital "clearance" to intrude, I only speak if I'm really sure it is ok. If I get a chance, I like to just ask a couple of "small talk" questions, and let a mom get some stress off her chest. Or give a lonely child some smiles, if nothing else.

So I think, one day, far in the future, I am going to volunteer at the hospital. There is a program where you can volunteer to come in and cuddle and play with children who have no one staying with them, or to give a mom a break to get a bite to eat, or whatever. I'd really like to do that. I wish there was a sort of program of some sort, like a "welcome wagon", at the hospital that does something for parents/guardians. The hard thing with adults is that sometimes they might want to be left alone, and you really need to be sensitive. But I'd sure love if I could be there when a heartbroken mom is admitted with a really sick child, just to pass out some Kleenex, Visine, a map of the hospital, and maybe a hug...

My boy has been in hospital a week now, and I am really missing him. The first couple days are not too bad, but after a while, he sure leaves a big hole. Which really hits me and makes me sad. Cause it makes me think of how empty it will be later.

I don't know what will happen when they send us home. I'm a bit anxious about it all, as I know that with all the steroids Joel has pumped in him, it will take a week or two to really see how his breathing is. But now they have worn me down with missing my boy so much. So I'm going to jump at the chance to bring him home, even though I am concerned. I hate it when he is in the hospital.

Oh, and I just thought I'd mention, for the record, that it seems that Caeden DOES NOT have asthma. It was just a virus after all. See what I mean about my crazy, overactive fears??

The last couple of days the doctors were all trying so very hard to be kind and helpful. The doctor who told me I COULD get the monitor came to speak to me personally and to apologize for his mistake (because he was "junior" on the team, and didn't realize that we didn't meet the classic criteria.) I did appreciate that. I think he is one of the kindest doctors I have met, and believe me, I have met some REALLY kind doctors.

So I just want to say that even though I don't always agree with the doctors, and even if sometimes they tell me things that I really don't like to hear, I have never had any doubts that any of them truly cared. Or that they were not trying to do their very best to help us. I still might not agree with them on certain points. I do appreciate them though. I mean, I get angry (sometimes really angry) at family members too sometimes, but they are still great people.

I don't think anyone who reads this would ever come in contact with any of our doctors, but you never know and that's why I don't mention anyone by name. I wouldn't want anyone to get a false idea about a doctor who is just doing his job and who is an excellent physician. Remember, this is a place to vent. I don't hold it against my doctors, even when I think they may be mistaken about something.

I wanted to say something for those of you praying for Joel. I appreciate it so much, when someone says they are praying for us. Sometimes when someone tells me this, I almost start to cry, because it means so much. Sometimes I get to wondering, "Hmmm. What are they praying FOR when they pray?" Because I realize that I haven't mentioned anything specific, and I realize that praying for Joel is a really complicated thing. I have always believed if you are going to ask for something, be specific. Not saying it is wrong to ask that God's will be done. Jesus prayed that too.

I do think that sometimes we "do not have, because you do not ask." So, I like to be bold, and tell God what I REALLY want. Maybe that sounds impertinant. Like telling someone what you really want for Christmas, instead of just saying, "oh, I'll like anything you get me" Cause you think they should really know exactly what you want without you having to ask for it. And you want to seem too "nice" to be so greedy to say what you really want, but you are hoping for it anyway. And then they get you an ugly green sweater and you hate it but you have to keep wearing it cause you said you'd like it and you are really disappointed, not even just with the gift, but with them... see what I mean?

While I AM sure that God already knows what we really want, I think that it is the honestly of the situation that He really wants. Ya know? So - there you go.

So here are some specific prayer requests. Let's ask God for Joel to have a nice, stable & happy time for at least this summer. Let's ask God to keep protecting Joel's hearing. That is a big one. And then, the really tough ones: Let's ask God if He can give Joel the "gentlest" death possible. Even if that means that his death comes as a big shock. I'd rather he died when I wasn't "prepared," then that he be sick for weeks before God takes him. And let's ask God if He would take Joel in the best timing for us, as a family, to deal with it all.

I don't know if God can say yes to all of these requests. Cause I think He has good reasons sometimes for saying no, even when no seems "cruel." Some of them might even be "mutually exclusive." But I believe He might say yes, and these are the things that are important to me right now. So, if you can, please join me in asking for these things.

A bit of a jumble here. Sort of a "house-cleaning" type of blog. I'm going to write another one when I feel up to it. "Holes." You can guess what it might be about...