I'm going to continue posting on this blog. I just find it helps me, to chronicle all the things I feel and think. But now, for awhile, a lot of it might consist of me saying all the things I miss about Joel. And I'm not sure you all want to read that every day.
So what I am going to do, is leave this blog public. But I'm not going to put it on my Facebook every single time I put some small note on it. There might be a lot of little notes and thoughts. Instead, I'm going to leave it with you. You can check in when you wish too, and wait awhile in between visits if that works best for you. And then, if I have something I think you'd all like to read or that is particularly important to me, I'll put a notice up on my blog. Okay?
Today, I'm going to say that our last two days have been tiring but peaceful. We have had phone calls and flowers and feel your support and it is so important and precious to us to know you care. Truly, it amazes me the way a community and a church come together in support at a time like this. At the same time, we have just been resting here and home, and slowly realizing what has happened, and slowly putting the details to the funeral. It has been surprisingly peaceful, even with the stress that grief causes your nervous system. I've had some experience with grief before this, and it can give you a surprising restless feeling. Despite this, I have felt peaceful.
And here is my thought for the day. Today, I could put on my "nice" clothes to go out in at the start of the day. Instead of saving them for the last minute, and keeping on my "grubbies." Because today there was no danger of little nose marks, or wet little mouth marks, or leaky MicKey buttons. And I felt so sad to miss those little marks of that little precious face, resting agianst my shoulder, or pressed against my heart. I miss those beautiful little marks. I loved to see those marks of love on my clothes every day.
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