Tomorrow

Tonight we are going to "view" Joel's body, and then the funeral is tomorrow. It's strange. It still feels surreal. Grief is a process, a work in progress. It will take time to sink in, time to deal with it all.

For now, God's love and peace are carrying us. We will still need lots of love and support from you in the days ahead. And I ask you not to stop sending your encouraging words of love and caring. I know you don't know what to say. That's ok. Just saying you are praying and loving and caring is enough. You would be surprised to know how much it helps and how much it means.

I don't know how many blog readers are going to be at the funeral tomorrow. But I wanted to tell you, if you are coming, that there will be lots of music. Not, for lack of a better word, the "fancy" kind. I hate to intimate that this means that rehearsing music makes it fancy, or to intimate that the music tomorrow has not been rehearsed, because my pastor and his wife have been practicing it with love.

What I mean, is that everyone attending is invited to sing along. And I don't know about you, but if I'm singing it, that puts it in the "amateur" department. I wanted to sing though. Perfect music is beautiful, but I wanted to sing. I wanted to sing for Joel, because he liked it when his mommy sang. And I wanted to sing for me, because I wanted to spend some time rejoicing in what God gave me when He lent me Joel. I wanted to spend some time rejoicing in how He carried me through the past 2 years, and to express my trust that He's going to keep carrying me through the remaining years of my life on earth. I wanted to sing, too, because while perfect music is beautiful, there is nothing more beautiful that the music that comes out of the depths of the heart. I wanted to sing for God too, in thanks for all He has done.

And so, I am inviting everyone who comes to sing. I hope some of you know the songs. Maybe some of you will learn them for the first time tomorrow. And if you don't feel comfortable singing or with the songs, you are then invited to listen and rejoice with us by doing that. Be ready for music though. Quite a bit of music.

If you can't make it to the funeral, I promise you that I am going to put it up on my blog, later on. I mean the poems, and what we say and also the video tribute to Joel's life. I'll put it all up on the blog, so you can see it there if you don't make it. Our church family has so graciously reserved us a beautiful get-away for two night, after the funeral. They are paying for everything.

So the three of us can get away to rest and regroup after all stress and emotional work of seeing Joel get sick, watching him die, and holding the funeral. If you have never done this, you have no idea how very exhausting it all is. So we are very, very grateful for this gift of love. A respite for us, in the middle of the storm. Refreshing ourselves before we have to learn to deal with living with out Joel.

That will be tough, tough work.

So, once again, I am declaring April as drop-in month. Not in the evenings so much, because Steve needs some time alone with us. But during the day. You can call first, of course, just to make sure it works. But I really think most of the time I will welcome visitors. I need the support. You are a lifeline of encouragement in a dark place. Yes, God is giving me peace and taking care of me. But you are one of the ways He does that. And thank you for being there.