Marys and Marthas

This last year with my sick boy has taught me a lot about friends.

For a long time now, I have longed for a "best" girl friend. Someone to come over once or twice a week and gab with. Mostly a person to get deep with. To sit and laugh and cry.

A friend who will be there, in the flesh, while I grieve and mourn for Joel and all that has happened to us this past year. And for the future we will lose.

A "Mary" sort of friend. Like in the story of Jesus. Where the two women who are sisters are entertaining Jesus. And Mary sits at Jesus' feet. She is just content to be with him and listen. And Martha scurries around preparing a nice meal and grumbling at Mary for doing nothing. When she finally asks Jesus in exasperation to tell Mary to come and help her, Jesus tells her that Mary choose the better thing. Proving that Jesus didn't think that a woman's only place was in the kitchen. And also that what is most important to God isn't what we do, but our relationship to Him.

In any case, I was sad about this for a long time. I really wanted a "Mary" kind of friend, who would just be there while I did my "grief work." Someone to just sit with me. And it seemed like I mostly had "Martha" sort of people in my life.

They all wanted to "do" something. Make a meal, babysit, offer a ride somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I needed that too, and I sure did appreciate it. Especially the babysitting. But I wanted a Mary friend. Martha's are great, but I was lonely...

Well, here is to all the Martha's out there. Because I have started to learn to finally "hear" you. It has taken me awhile. But now I know what you are saying to me, when you bring over a meal. Or babysit. Or give me a ride. I hear your words.

The words that wrap up the casserole. "I wish I could make this better, but I don't know how. I don't have any words to say, they all seem wrong. I really care so much, and this is the only way I know how to show that. You are not alone. This is a casserole, but all my love is wrapped around it."

I can hear your words now. And now I simply accept, with gratitude. And when I accept, with out protestations, with a smile, I'm saying "Thanks for your love. I know you are being the best friend you can be. Your love wrapped around this casserole comforts me, because I know that you care, and I'm not alone."

It is great to have a "Mary" sort of friend. But I see now that "Martha's" are pretty great too. So, to all my friends, whichever kind you are, thank you. Your love is much appreciated, whichever way you find to show it.